Monday, November 15, 2010

I could dress in black and read Camus / I could make a career of being blue


You know which phrase really bugs me? I can't imagine my life without.... Without whatever.

Really? Do you have such a lack of imagination that you literally cannot imagine your life any differently?

I mean, I like being married to James. I'd go so far as to say that I love being married to James (what's not to love? he's funny, thinks I'm funny, will run across the street to get me a coke if I ask him to, and is really good at spelling), but I can imagine my life without him. I can imagine my life not living in New York. I can imagine my life without a good relationship with my parents.

The expressions should be, I'd rather not imagine my life... That I get. I'd rather not imagine my life without James, or a good relationship with my parents, or living in New York. But, to be clear, I can.

This idea came to the forefront of my mind as I was deeply pondering my life (which I do bi-weekly). James and I have been married for 6 years, and we don't have any children. This is not an admission, or the beginning of an explanation; this is just a fact. Sometimes I think of how my life would be different if I had made different choices earlier on. I would probably be saying, I'd rather not imagine my life without my son, Gunsmoke*.

Which is interesting, and starts to get meta, or at least existential, because maybe this life is me imagining my life without Gunsmoke.

If that didn't blow your mind (which, be honest, it did) how about this: maybe Ferris isn't real. Maybe he's just a figment of Cameron Frye's imagination.

*the internet knows I called this baby name, so don't even try to steal it.

3 comments:

  1. Without you, I'd wear a lot more berets and take myself way too seriously.

    Maybe. Or maybe I'd be very similar since I knew who I was by the time I met you just as you knew yourself.

    You forgot to mention our daughter, Firecracker. Also taken, Internet.

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  2. Do you think that good spelling is hereditary? I am also good at spelling but sometimes I think that spelling prowess just seems to be attitude.

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