Saturday, May 14, 2011

What I Can't Do

Write a paper without messing with my hair. "Messing with" is actually a fairly kind description of what I do to my hair. I destroy it. I try--I mean, I pull it back into a sensible ponytail, far away from wandering fingers. But, try as I might, once I hit a rough patch, that lock near my right temple gets yanked out and wound and wound around my fingers. Then, once I either hit on an epiphany or just grit my teeth and muscle through, that, and every other stray curl gets kind of piled up onto the top of my head. The ponytail itself is tugged at until it's a disgrace to ponytails everywhere, and my hair becomes less hair and more a disordered chestnut cloud that surrounds my glassy-eyed face.

Needless to say, this isn't a pretty picture.

James does this too. Right now it's Saturday afternoon, a gloomy one at that, and we are our separate compartments writing, writing, writing (I mean, as separate as it gets in a New York apartment). I feel pretty sure that the next time I see him, his hair will also be slightly disarrayed.

This makes me feel like we're meant for each other.

Just kidding. It doesn't really.

Other things I cannot do:
- eat just one half of a grapefruit (I don't get it, you get the whole orange once you start it, what's the difference?)
- be terrifically cheerful in the morning
- fly by use of just my own power (not yet, anyway)
- understand people who litter (littering is a sure sign of a sociopath. who do you think is going to clean that up?)
- get the woman below me to stop smoking in her apartment (after two conversations, we're 80% there. that is, however, for a fresh air fiend like myself, not enough. i'm actually pretty excited to see the outcome of the battle between my iron will and her addiction to nicotine)


  1. I agree with you on the whole grapefruit issue because it falls under the 1 serving size category. I am bothered when people don't finish a serving size. This is particularly so with treats - when people can't finish and ice cream cone, or a candy bar. Where others see will power I see a lack of initiative.

  2. I tend to agree, Rachel. I like to finish what I start. Be that a 5 mile run or a 3 Musketeers.

  3. Isn't littering an easy and convenient way to provide a job for someone?

  4. I can't even let people litter. I follow them with their trash and say excuse me, you dropped this back there. You're welcome.

    I think you can write a paper about messing with your hair. You had a great start there at the top.

    Grapefruit, ick.