Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Is there, really?

Is there anything worse than getting a bad haircut?

Yeah, I'm sure there are worse things, but for the sake of this blog post, let's just say that there aren't.

You can kind of tell it's happening as it's happening, like watching a building fall over in slow motion, but there's nothing you can do about it. I mean, once it's started, it's done.

I have been a recipient of some really bad haircuts. I have curly hair, which people think covers a multitude of sins, which just shows how misunderstood we curly haired people are.

1. There was the semi-mullet in high school. I think I went to my mom's hairdresser, and it was the closest I've ever come to crying over a haircut. I wore a headband for months.

2. Then there was the triangle head episode. I have to take some responsibility for this. I said I wanted a short, blunt cut. But any fool will tell you that people with curly hair should not have short, blunt cuts. Because it makes them look absurd. My hair took on the previously mentioned triangle shape, and I wore it in two little ponytails under my visor for the rest of the summer.

3. There was the poorly reasoned $12 haircut in Rexburg. Again, admittedly, I have to take some credit for this fiasco. Having a chair and a mirror in the back room of Rags and Tans (real name) are not really the credentials I should have been looking for. I left with wet hair and didn't truly understand the atrocity committed until later that night. Basically, I had a layer of hair cut at about ear height, and then the next layer fell below my shoulders. Apparently, she'd never heard of "long, round layers".

4. The repair haircut I got after the one above (we left the next morning for California, so there was no time to have old Rags and Tans fix it). I went to a Supercuts, because I figured it couldn't get any worse. I was only half right. There wasn't much to be done, so she just cut it really, really short. As short as I've ever had it - above chin length. Weirdly, I don't remember this time in my life at all. I think I might have some post traumatic shock symptoms.

5. Then there's today, with Lizzy, the almost-Aveda graduate. I put my faith in her. But why? Because she's about to graduate? Because she has cherry red and black hair? Because she wore diamond-like gauges in her ears? I mean, really, what was my foundation? Too short. Too, too short. Actually, now that I think about it, even a little triangle-like.

I've wasted the good will of all those prenatal vitamins, and now I just have to wait for it to grow out.

Ugh. And buy a headband.


  1. Val, I love your blog! You are such an entertaining writer, and your candor is endearing.

    I, too, have been the victim of more than one atrocious haircut. Perhaps it's because I grew up in Rexburg -- a hick town in its own follicular right -- but every stylist over the age of 35 used to give me (what I call) 'bagel bangs'. They'd divide the bangs into two sections, rat and curl the top section up, and simply curl the bottom section into a log roll. Et voila, the 'bagel bangs' were born.

    This 'banging' style (and the Ricks College Theatre Department during a run) kept the AquaNet empire afloat in the late '80s/early '90s.

    I hope your hair grows out to your liking very quickly!

    ~ Terrah Conrad Harper :)

  2. Remember how last night I still didn't get to see your hair? You are very good at secrets. I have this feeling that your hair is not as bad as you think.

    But then again, I don't question your taste. This is the year we find you a hairstylist.

    Are you going to wear a headdress? I know a store...

  3. i'm not sure there is (anything worse). It's like a jerky friend who won't go away. Well, it takes a very long time to go away, and the process is so slow and gradual, you don't even realize it's happening, which is the one positive thing about bad haircuts.

    this comment makes 3% sense. 2-3.

  4. I have had many triangle haircuts, and sense many more in my future. Hope those hormones help it grow quickly!

  5. could be worse. And in about 3 months, just when you think you've seen the end of the bad cut, you may very well start going bald. Nope, I'm not kidding. With all three of my kids I lost huge amounts hair. Enough to make me chop it off to an "as short as I dare" length to camoflage the fact that I had large bald spots on my head. Hormones are not your friend. Yep, call me the good news cousin.

  6. As one who also has curly hair, and also the stories to back-up my claim to curly-hair-hell, I fully comprehend the horror you are now subjected to. My deepest sympathies to you and your scalp.

    I have finally decided to not let anyone touch my hair who does not already have curly hair. Might I make the perhaps pretentious suggestion that you follow suit? Lame? Totally. But it might help.

    Also, you live in New York!! There has to be SOMEONE there who can intelligently cut your hair.

    As a last case scenario, here's a suggestion, revolutionary though it may sound: try cutting your own hair. Take it slow, piece by piece. YOU are the only one who knows your curl, so use your knowledge and wield a mighty pair of scissors. It may be the best thing for your hair and possibly your self- esteem.

    It also has the inherent possibility of making things worse. But then, you were headed to a professional anyways, why not give them a head start?