On the eve of the new year, a list of things I hope to never do:
1. Fall out of a hot air balloon.
2. Accept a challenge from Lin Dan, the bad boy of badminton.
3. Become vegan and/or gluten free.
4. Box a kangaroo.
5. Be accused of a crime I didn't commit, and have to flee, Fugitive-style.
5a. Be in any situation where Tommy Lee Jones isn't on my side.
6. Be buried alive (I feel like this one is kind of a given).
7. Toil in obscurity.
8. Live in a world without milk chocolate. All you dark chocolate eaters can eat my shorts while you're at it.
9. Meet Stan Lee or Chris Claremont and be forced, by politeness, to tell them that I really enjoy X-Men, and don't, in fact, think they're all whiners and total babies and maybe they'd get a lot more accomplished if they just forgot about their respective "identities" and what "it's all supposed to mean", and just got to work, like Iron Man, or Batman, or any other superhero.
10. Same deal with Diablo Cody and Juno.
11. Find out that I'm allergic to candy.
12. Live in any state that counts the number of days since the sun was seen.
13. Forget the proper use of there, their, and they're.
14. Be an accidental get-away driver.
15. Get bitten by any snake or bug I've ever seen on the Discovery Channel.
16. Fall through a frozen lake.
17. Be eaten by a lion I thought I'd befriended.
18. Live to see an apocalypse - zombie or otherwise.
19. Have my life inspire a movie made by Lifetime.
20. Two words: Shark. Attack.