Monday, March 18, 2013

Watch Out

Once, when Edie was very little, we took a trip to Arizona to see my sisters.  While there, we went to a park, and put Edie in a swing with her cousin Jane, who is about six months older.  James took some photos, and I was struck, suddenly.  In that moment, Edie was an extension of me.  She was my baby, without a real identity of her own.

But, someday, Edie and Jane will look at these pictures, and they will laugh at themselves, and at us for squishing them into the swing together.  They will wonder what we were doing, and why they have such funny looks on their faces.  Edie will see herself as herself.  As a little version of the person she has become.  Not as my baby.  Not as a part of me.  Just as her.

And, as much as I, of course, want this eventuality, suddenly, I was sad.  I missed her.


  1. i love this post and absolutely relate. most of the time, i am so proud of and impressed by eliza's growing independence. but then the sudden realization that she is in fact her own person--and becoming more of one each day--sneaks up too quickly and punches me in the gut. and then i force cuddles and kisses until she kicks me. it's a really healthy cycle.

  2. right on, lady. i love this. lucky for you, she'll always be your baby.

    as a side note, i hope she wears those jeggings until she's 16.

  3. to add to Annie's comment, please add the polka dot turtle neck to the leggings outfit at age 16 please. but maybe switch the sweatshirt to a college sweatshirt, like the college she hopes to attend (Shaboygan Jr. College), but everything else, keep the same.

  4. I'm with Annie. These tots get big, but they never grow out of that "baby" spot in your heart.

    I sometimes pantomime to Emma how I used to hold her over my shoulder and pat her back when she was, say, a newborn, just to remind her that no matter how big she gets (and I think she's done growing) nor how far apart we may live, that's where she'll always be.

    Total "sniff" post. You conjure that wincing love so well.

  5. Mim, I do the same thing, though Edie just back-dives to get away.

    Annie, thanks. And trust me, she will.

    Shiloh, also, she will keep the turtleneck. Baby turtleneck? Hilarious.

    B-town, you're right. And thanks.