Thursday, August 1, 2013

Notes from the Rabbit Hole



I'm finishing up my thesis this week.  It's due on the 9th, and I'm really, really hoping to have it in by that date.

My sister asked me today if I was glad that it was almost over and I said, honestly, I don't know.  It wasn't even an ask me next week situation.  I just don't know.  I'm underwater here, so wound-up that I can't step back and be neutrally self-aware.  Maybe next week.

Right now I'm not so much seeing a light at the end of the tunnel as looking up, as if from a very deep hole, and seeing the world going on at the surface.

This feeling, usually associated with significant writing, always leaves me feeling raw and vulnerable to even small slights.  I take deep breaths, and, at the top of the breath, the highest point of the inhale, I feel fine.  So I keep breathing really deeply.

Today I noticed this:

I bent down to kiss Edie's baby head this morning and realized that her hair smells warm, like sunshine.

I'm starting to think I'm in some sort of contest to have the weirdest messy house.  I'm giving myself a major pass on housekeeping (big deal, right), but it's getting weird messy.  Like, watering-can-in-the-pantry-and-receipts-in-the-butter-messy.

I have been showering regularly, which, for me, in times of stress, is a pretty big deal.  Blame summer.

3 comments:

  1. I just like picturing you literally working (on a typewriter) in an actual rabbit hole. I would throw down carrots for you, or M&Ms.

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  2. I realized today I haven't read your blog in weeks. Blame babies and moving. But I have enjoyed reading it today, immensely enjoyed it. I love the way you write and the imagery your written words create. Because of this, I know you've got this thing. You will definitely get a smiley face on your thesis. the master's program grade scale is done with smiley and frowny faces, is it not?

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